Romantic

as in

"Wouldn't that be romantic?"

Variations: "I can be romantic ... I like romantic things ... What would life be without romance?... Let’s stand in a cold damp stadium for hours and watch the match."

You do have to feel sorry for them at times.

Churchill said of the poor, the great tragedy is not their physical suffering but the barrenness of their imaginations. With lads, the tragedy is not only that they miss the point but that are not aware they have missed it.

Doesn’t matter how often or how explicitly you spell it out for them, emphasising that "romantic" by definition implies matters like luxury, spontaneity, caring, they still think in crass, basic terms of chocolates and cliched words.

Whereas girls gravitate towards the romantic as naturally as ducks do to water, boys still seem to think of it as something remote and incomprehensible, like communism or malaria, best approached with extreme caution, if at all.

One would like to be generous and give them credit for trying but when they get it so hopelessly wrong despite your detailed instructions, it is hard to be charitable.

Indeed, much as a girl longs to hear of romantic things, it is safest to shy away when he starts talking of them.

Yes, he is trying to please you but taking his lead may be like scaling Everest with a blind guide. Even if you give him the biggest of maps, he is bound to lead you astray.

The best response is to treat him somewhat like a large shaggy dog that has just brought you a sopping great, dung coated branch. Thank him and stroke him, then send him on his way, drop the stick in a ditch and get on with whatever you want to do.

Quite possibly it will be a little retail therapy or perhaps a day or two at a decent spa. This may not be "romantic" but it will be very pleasant, which in today's times is perhaps the closest one can come to the real thing.