Plans

as in

"We should make plans."

Variations: "We need a goal / goals .... We can’t go on living without knowing where we are going?... How can you be so careless / easy going / casual about the future?... What do you think we’ll be doing in 10 years ... in 50 years ... in 150 years?"

Clearly she is not talking about anything simple here like floor plans. Or maybe she is. As in a lovely house together somewhere in the country, with a few rooms set aside for the children. (That’s right ... “children”... plural, as in three or four ... or even five.)

In any case, she is definitely not happy with the concept of life lived as a freewheeling exciting adventure. A tabula rasa. A blank cheque. She wants details, structure, security, long term arrangements, money in the bank ... commitment.

You are unlikely to hear this proposal early on in any relationship, that’s a different girl you have on your hands then, one who actually thinks it might be fun to go with the flow (or at least thinks that she thinks that).

When you do hear it, you may be flummoxed by what is entailed. It may seem an
unimaginable alien concept. Like getting tired of time with Kylie Minogue. Unfortunately there is no point in suggesting that you are both better off as you are, idling along, seeing what happens, taking things as they come, being surprised.

This seems an alien concept to her. Fine for primitive peoples and animals - and your first three dates. Maybe even alright for some of her mates. But as inimical to her as living without oxygen. Fortunately it can be quite easy to go along with the suggestion. It actually lends itself to long term ideas, fanciful things that are never likely to come to pass, or that are at the very least in the distant future.

In the meantime you can hang out normally.