Pizza

as in

"I feel like a pizza."

Variations: "Do you want to go for a pizza? ... Do you like pizza? ... Let’s share a pizza ... When did you last have a pizza?"

You might have thought you could let your guard down with this one. He’s only talking about a pizza, for god’s sake! A bit of dough and toppings. But there is the rub. The innocuous-looking words are the most dangerous because you are tempted to take them at face value. But this subject is much more complicated than it looks. He is most certainly not talking merely about quenching his hunger pangs with a tasty Quattro Stagioni..

To begin with the easy bit ..."Do you like pizza?" or " When did you last have a pizza?"... what are his eyes doing while he is asking? Are they studying your cheeks and the shape of your body with an air of fear, searching for nascent signs of an Italian mama within you? Is there perhaps a hint in his tone of
voice that, judging by your form, he thinks you may be a bit too fond of pasta?

A totally unjustified inference, of course. If you are showing excess baggage, it is only that you haven't been able to do your usual complex series of exercises recently because you've been working so hard. But don’t expect to be forgiven. His attitude towards extra poundage will be microscopically sensitive, except re himself.

More subtle issues: dining on pizzas can be lovely, as they generate a fun atmosphere, but it is hardly the same as chowing down in some romantic bistro where you could hope for discreet service while he stares lovingly in your eyes. It is the rough equivalent of travelling by bus to meet him in the depths of his favourite pub instead of being picked up and escorted.

Also, pizzas tend to be a fast food, so what is he planning for afters? Is he hoping to have you fed and gone in time to catch a last round with his mates? Or imagining that a £4.95 deep dish is enough to buy your heart and convince you to take him home before the sun sets? That’s assuming he is actually asking you out, not suggesting a takeaway, and that he is expecting to pay.

Often it will be best to say you have already eaten and see what else he has to offer.