Honest

as in

"Let’s be honest with each other."

Variations: "I want us to tell each other everything ... Let’s promise to never have any secrets from each other ... Let’s open our hearts and minds and souls to each other."

Fine and dandy. We’re all decent people. This is an honourable goal. Let’s shake on it.

But remember one thing. This is the same girl who was upset when you praised the waitress for her good service at dinner the other night. You remember the one, she was more or less twice your age and perhaps three times your weight.

Yet your sweetheart was troubled. She couldn’t understand why you were so impressed by this woman - “this brazen floozy” were her words, actually - who answered perfectly to your every whim for three hours.

If she was ruffled by that episode, will it really be such a good idea tomorrow to tap her on the shoulder and - being completely honest, because that is what she wants, isn’t it? - say, “See the blonde over there? The one in the very short skirt. I think she has a fantastic ass. I do, honestly.”

As for that odd tingling feeling you get in your stomach every time her sister Sue walks into the room, perhaps it would be better to keep that to yourself no matter how many secrets she wants to share.

Fortunately, she isn’t actually interested in this kind of information when she is talking about “honesty”. What she wants is for you to feel free to tell her how wonderful she is, anytime you want, night or day. As for anything negative, keep that to yourself, please.