Criticising

as in

"I’m not criticising you."

Variations: "You have to make up your mind ... You have to choose between your mates and me ...You have to choose between being happy and being with me." (No, she wouldn’t put it so bluntly, would she?)

First off, let’s all agree that it doesn’t pay to be hyper sensitive in life generally and certainly not in a relationship. Inevitably your beloved will, from time to time, discover you are not perfect. Correction: she may fail to appreciate your perfection. She’ll lapse into thinking that you are perhaps not the most affectionate, compassionate, amusing, intelligent person she has ever gone out with, no matter how often you may remind her.

When she’s in these moods, she is bound to lose control of her feelings and mutter things like:

“Why do I always have to all the shopping, house cleaning, cooking, washing up and laundry - and fix the car?” or “You know, I would appreciate it if just once you would tell me when you are staying out all night!”

These are mere pleas for more attention and they can be accepted as fair when she follows them up by saying, “I’m not criticising you.”

The situation is more confusing when she tells you that “You are an ugly, ignorant, uncaring moron” or something similarly blunt and follows that up with the argument that she isn’t being critical.

But it will happen. Women don’t always see insults as negative but rather as just one more way of being caring, loving and helpful. Weird but true.