Boring

as in

"You are so boring."

Variations: "You never say anything interesting ... You’re not funny ... How do your friends put up with you? ... Do you have any friends? ... You never want to do anything."

There can be no disguising that this is a pretty damning remark. On the positive side, you could praise her for speaking her mind. At least she is not holding back, hedging her bets here. This is clear and forthright. Nonsense, nevertheless, of course. You know you are not boring.

Why just the other day you were talking to your mates about the incredible performance of the new Jaguar - and the chances of England ever winning the Ashes - and the three of you went on about that for hours, the time simply flying by, no one finding you boring then!!!

So what on earth is she talking about?

Strangely. as is generally known, most women are not programmed to appreciate the intricacies of automobiles and sport.

Hard to believe but they find it almost as dull as men find a women’s discussion of what to wear and how some distant friend’s baby is faring.

No, that’s wrong. Surely there is no way even they could find cars or football that dull. But you get the gist. They lack a feel for it, as colour blind people lack the ability to tell red from green. One can only feel sorry for them. Such a loss, so much richness taken out of their lives.

Which is why it would be unfair to be insulted by her accusation. Don't protest: “Boring! Me?” Rather spare a pinch of sympathy for the emptiness of her existence, tell her you like the dress she is wearing ... and then hope that she’ll go shopping before the match starts.